Preface

My dreams might seem uninteresting at first glance, and you might be correct when approach on the surface, but the underlying narrative is a bit darker. As previously stated in my about section, i have been a shut-in for more than half a decade now. It would be undeniable to see a link between this situation and my dreams, to an extent i myself am slightly worried about. Quasi-all of my dreams, share one common denominator, that of school. Now granted i am aware dreaming of past-like events is quite common, but the sheer number of dreams about it really puts into question how much i actually managed to separate myself from my past.

I am however, quite dissapointed in the fact that i can't recall much from my dreams prior to me becoming who i am now. I have a few flashbacks from them but nothing nocitable to tell about. Note that these dreams were all from 2025 starting on, a few dreams from 2024 have been included but they are quite irregular due to my lack of reason to keep going prior to this website. Each of these dreams will be added in chronological order from newest to oldest

The only addition i will allow myself to have from prior dreams, were from my early shut-in life. This period was marked by the only dream ever of being naked in public, as well as many many falling teeth ones. Seemingly each of these dreams signify in order a desire to conceal vulnerability and maintain a sense of control, and feelings of insecurity, loss, or fear of change. I myself don't actually know much about the "analysing dreams" (pseudo?) science, but it seems like so far these interpretations allign with true sentiments of that time.

04/01/2025

Early is a bit blurry, I was seemingly doing parkour around, say it wasn't my old school but the architecture was eerily similar. I proceeded to met people, there was one girl I thought was cute and I think they invited me to something? What I ended up doing was going to take a bath at my grandparents place. The bathtub was straight up in the living room, I was bathing with my shoes and socks on. When it was time to get out my grandma gave me a small towel and a frickin dog to dry myself with. After drying myself I just shook the socks in the air to dry then as well, playing with the dog who suddenly became my old cat. My grandpa played with him a bit and I went into the bathroom. There I tried brushing my teeth but I realized I had 2 row of them on the top, as well as a hole on the left.

07/01/2025

I was back at my house from when I was a kid. My sister came to visit as she was preparing for some random event. Her and my mom left and there came my dad. We listened to music on the sofa and he hugged me, he asked if I was happy living like this then promptly told me he wasn't. Told him I'll take nore care of things as long as he doesn't scare me with a giant spider. Upon my sister and mom coming home I ate with her my sister told the someone proposed to another. After that I went to my old school's playground and met back with some old friends from kindergarten. We went down the village via bike and it was totally changed. There was a giant cliff face in the middle. I started mining around since seemingly everyone was doing it. We would collect small shitty plastic gems that we apparently could exchange for money. I left theb when I came back someone had stole the gems. There were plenty on the ground and a gun as well, can't remember the name but it was named. Upon exiting I saw a bunch of apartments on fire and was worried about my dad so I told my friend I'll be back and I'll never give up.

25/01/2025

Beginning is kinda unrelated, I was sent to work on some giant skate ramp in Australia, there I met friends from school including one that was having crazy hair loss. Then I realized I was loosing hair too, it's unrelated to the plot but still. Idk what lead us to this but our entire family wanted to kill themselves. People used different methods but I chose, Doproxalamine, it was a thick red ink like substance, at first I coated 2 Lego figurines with it, one for me, one for my gf (which was my ex). We swallowed the things, and surprisingly, nothing. Everyone died before me and I was left alone, I panicked and tried researching more on the drug, I was really panicking cuz the name in my native language wasn't the same, U got an add on my phone through a video on the topic which was one of my dead aunt explaining some charity stuff. As I was searching "Doproxalamine suicide dose" I felt light, I slowly phased out, I was dead for a moment , I knew I was out of Existence, but woke back when help arrived, I'm not sure how they got the memo we'd do this. As I saw that I rushed back upstairs where my Doproxalamine stash was and tried swallowing it, it tasted like red ballpen ink, then I woke up.

This is the first notable, worthy of analysis dream on the list, as well as being a quite memorable one. The very first section of the dream is a bit off-standish? I mean you do once again have the theme of school play part, though, it's so brief I don't think i can say much about it. Hair loss in dreams can symbolize a fear of losing but since I wasn't the one being affected, I'm sure sure if it's notable. The next section however, is probably one of the most brutal depiction of my living state. My entire family deciding to end themselves might reflect a sense of collective hopelessness? Or perhaps my own feeling that the world I'm part of is fundamentally doomed. Maybe my brain applied my perception of life to everyone I know about... Doproxalamyne, oh boy. I don't have much to say about it directly, but the shear strengh of the memory of that name give me shivers down my spine. It's obviously made up, Doproxalamine isn't real but man did that dream felt like it. Coating LEGO minifigs with the drug is a bit weird. Perhaps i associated LEGO with childhood? The fact everyone died except me might be some allegory of failure? I've always lacked behind on everything, I have to live with an unbearable burden of continuing when I never wanted to. The little add break is funny, too little too late i guess, maybe something related to familly? The fact that I come back from death might suggest something unresolved? Something I wasn’t done with. My brain tried to simulate the escape, then reminded me, I'm still here. (Why was my girlfriend my ex? Was that dream set before i became a shut in?)

The whole thing is an insight in my perception of the world; a dead end. Hypothetical solutions aren’t enough to resolve life, you're gone but you're back as soon as is.

14/07/2025

The early moments of this dream are relatively blurry, not necessarely because it was hard to remember but rather due to me taking 4 days to write this down. I have very vague memories of the beginning but they aren't relevant, what is? You may ask; the gigantic library of Babel basement that was located in my Grandparent's house. I've been noticing recently that my dreams are totally rid of school. Prior to 2025 (it seems) it was a quasi daily occurence, at least when I could remember them. Nowadays it has mostly turned to labyrinthical rooms from childhood places (mostly that of my house and my grandparent's). I enjoy these dreams, they are a breath of fresh air, the feeling of discovery again. Rooms upon rooms going up and down, of empty dark concrete basement, yet soothing, reassuring even... A metaphysical katabasis into a dead feeling, unable to ever be felt.

I'm perplexed as to why school dreams are gone. Maybe it is my willingness to be vocal about it? Or perhaps I'm getting old, too old, for them.